There’s no doubt that life brings challenges. Some small, some devastating. Some we saw coming, others blindsided us completely. If you’re human — and I’m assuming you are — then you’ve already been through something. And, well, chances are, there’s more coming.
I don’t say that to sound grim. It’s just how life works. Things shift. People change. You lose stuff. You gain some. You hurt. You grow. And then, in some way or another, it happens again.
Now, here’s something that’s been sitting in my mind lately: there’s a big difference between going through pain and working through it.
Most of us, understandably, carry stories about why we are the way we are. Maybe someone left. Maybe they didn’t show up how you needed them to. Maybe life dealt you a rough hand, and you’ve been trying to make sense of it ever since. That makes sense. Of course it does.
But at some point — and this part might sting a little — continuing to blame everyone else for where you are now… it just stops helping. It might’ve been their fault. It really might have been. But healing? That part is yours.
And I don’t say that from some high horse. I’ve spent time blaming, too. Sat with resentment longer than I probably should have. It’s weirdly comfortable, isn’t it? When you can point at something or someone and say, “That’s why I’m like this.”
But then what? What do you do with that? You stay stuck. You keep rehearsing the story. And time passes, but nothing really changes.
Taking ownership — real ownership — of your healing is hard. It forces you to look inward, not outward. To ask yourself what you’re doing to move forward, rather than what someone else did to hold you back.
And yeah, it’s easier to wait. To wait for an apology. To wait for the past to somehow make itself right. But healing doesn’t usually wait for the perfect moment. It starts when you do.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Honestly, you won’t. But just deciding — even quietly — that you’re done living as a product of what happened to you… that’s a start. A real one.
It’s not about denying the pain. It’s not even about forgetting. It’s just… refusing to stay frozen in it. Choosing to take one step forward, even if it’s a small one. Maybe even a wobbly one.
So if you’re reading this and something in you feels tired of blaming, tired of repeating the same stories to yourself — maybe that’s your signal. Not to pretend it didn’t hurt, but to start the work of healing anyway.
Because in the long run, your life will be shaped far more by what you choose to do about your pain… than by who caused it in the first place.
And that choice? It’s yours now.
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