I’m a 52-year-old man who has spent years working through depression, anxiety, and chronic stress. I’ve learned a lot the hard way—through therapy, quiet mornings, setbacks, and small wins that didn’t look like wins at the time.
One of the simplest tools that has helped me keep going is also one of the most overlooked.
It’s the question: “How can I…?”
When life feels overwhelming—when money is tight, emotions are heavy, or you’re just trying to make it through the day—your mind often jumps straight to worst-case scenarios:
“I can’t do this.”
“Nothing is going to change.”
“I’m stuck.”
Those thoughts feel real, but they’re rarely helpful.
Why “How Can I?” Matters
Your brain is a problem-solving machine. The problem is, if you don’t give it a useful question, it will default to fear, rumination, and self-criticism.
When you ask “How can I?”, something subtle but powerful happens:
- You shift from panic to possibility
- From helplessness to agency
- From shutdown to forward motion
You’re not denying reality. You’re engaging with it.
Examples From Real Life
If money is tight, instead of:
“I’ll never get ahead.”
Try:
“How can I bring more value to my job so I can earn more?”
“How can I reduce one expense this month without hurting my health?”
If you’re emotionally overwhelmed, instead of:
“I can’t handle this.”
Try:
“How can I get through this sad moment right now?”
“How can I make the next 10 minutes easier?”
If you’re exhausted and burnt out:
“How can I rest without guilt today?”
“How can I ask for support instead of carrying this alone?”
These questions don’t require perfect answers. They just require honesty.
This Isn’t Positive Thinking—It’s Practical Thinking
This isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about asking better questions so your mind works with you, not against you.
Some days, the answer might be:
- Take a walk
- Drink water
- Send one email
- Sit quietly and breathe
That still counts.
Progress doesn’t always look like momentum. Sometimes it looks like staying present and not giving up on yourself.
A Question You Can Use Today
If today feels heavy, try this one:
“How can I take care of myself enough to survive today?”
You don’t need a five-year plan.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You just need the next right question.
And then—one small step.
You’re not weak for struggling.
You’re strong for staying curious.
Keep going.
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