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  • Shadow Work For Men

    Shadow Work For Men

    What it is, why it matters, and how to start

    What is Shadow Work?

    Shadow work is the process of exploring the hidden parts of yourself—the parts you’ve been taught to suppress, deny, or avoid.

    This concept comes from Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who described the “shadow” as the unconscious side of our personality. It’s everything we don’t want to admit about ourselves—our anger, shame, insecurity, fear, jealousy, even vulnerability.

    For men, the shadow often forms around the traits society says we *shouldn’t* have.

    • “Be strong.”
    • “Don’t cry.”
    • “Man up.”

    These messages don’t just affect us—they shape us. Over time, we learn to push down anything that doesn’t fit the mold of what a “real man” is supposed to be. But pushing those feelings down doesn’t get rid of them. It just hides them.

    And that’s where shadow work begins.

    Why Shadow Work Matters for Men

    Most men are taught to solve problems by working harder, being tougher, or pushing through. But if you’re constantly feeling stuck, angry, disconnected, or numb—more effort isn’t the answer.

    You don’t need to just try harder.

    You need to look inward.

    Shadow work helps men:

    • Understand emotional triggers instead of reacting without thinking
    • Heal old wounds from childhood, relationships, or trauma
    • Break toxic patterns that repeat in relationships or life
    • Reclaim wholeness by integrating emotions instead of running from them

    Ignoring your shadow doesn’t make it disappear. It controls you from the background. But when you bring it into the light, you start to live from a place of truth—not fear.

    As Jung said:

    “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

    What Shadow Work Looks Like

    It’s not as mysterious as it sounds. Shadow work can be practiced in everyday life. It’s simply the habit of getting honest with yourself, especially when things get uncomfortable.

    Here are a few ways to get started:

    1. Journaling

    Ask yourself questions like:

    • What triggers me—and why?
    • What traits in other people annoy me? Do I have those traits too?
    • What did I learn growing up about emotions like anger, sadness, or fear?

    Be honest. Don’t edit yourself. Let the truth come out. It would be even better to carry a journal and pen with you, so you can mind dump right away. I also prefer to write at the end “now what am I going to do about it?” Then list a few tips to myself what to do for next time.

    2. Mindful Reflection

    When you react strongly to a situation (especially with anger or defensiveness), pause. Ask yourself:

    • What am I really feeling?
    • Is this feeling familiar from my past?

    Often, our biggest reactions come from old wounds—not the current moment.

    3. Inner Child Work

    Think about moments in your childhood where you were told to “man up” or “be tough.”

    What did you need in those moments? Love? Safety? Validation?

    Shadow work often begins with re-parenting the parts of you that were ignored or shamed.

    4. Therapy or Men’s Groups

    You don’t have to do this alone. Working with a therapist or sitting in a trusted men’s group gives you space to express what you’ve always kept inside—without judgment. I am lucky enough to have found a good therapist, who listened when I wasn’t well, listen when I was even giving some steps that I wanted to do to “get over” what I’m going through, and encouraged my proactive state of healing from this by giving additional ideas, and website links to other sources to help me out.

    This Is Real Strength

    Shadow work isn’t weakness.

    It’s not being soft.

    It’s not “overthinking.”

    It’s emotional discipline. It’s the courage to sit in discomfort.

    And it’s the path toward becoming a whole man—not just a hardened one.

    If you’re tired of performing a version of yourself that doesn’t feel real…

    If you’re done pushing things down just to keep up the appearance of control…

    Then maybe it’s time to stop running from the parts of yourself that hurt.

    Because healing doesn’t happen by hiding.

    It happens when you’re ready to face the shadow—and grow through it.

    Keep Going, Bro. You’ve got this.

    Sources and Resources

  • If You Can’t Talk About It Yet, That’s Okay

    If You Can’t Talk About It Yet, That’s Okay

    A Mental Health Week Message for Men

    Let’s be real — for a lot of men, talking about your mental health can feel impossible.

    Not just hard. Impossible.

    You want to be strong. You want to handle it. You don’t want to seem like a burden. You’ve been taught — whether by your father, your friends, or the world — to push through, man up, and figure it out on your own.

    And if you’ve ever thought,

    I can’t talk about this with anyone.

    You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not alone.

    Why Is It So Hard for Men to Talk About Their Mental Health?

    There are a lot of reasons — and they’re not all your fault.

    • Cultural pressure: From a young age, boys are taught that emotions = weakness. According to research from Movember, over 50% of men say they’re not comfortable discussing mental health with friends or family. Source: Movember, Mental Health Report
    • Fear of judgment: Many men fear being seen as “less than” if they open up. This can lead to years of bottling things up — until something breaks.
    • Lack of support: In many circles, there’s just no safe space to talk about depression, anxiety, or burnout. No one asks, and we stop offering.

    And here’s the painful part:

    Staying silent doesn’t heal pain. It hides it.

    If You Can’t Talk About It Yet — Start Here Instead

    Sometimes, talking isn’t the first step. And that’s okay.

    If you can’t find the words right now, there are other ways to begin healing.
    Start with your body.
    Start with your habits.
    Start with yourself.

    1. Exercise (even a little)

    Movement is medicine. Regular physical activity has been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. You don’t have to lift heavy or run fast — even a 20-minute walk helps.

    Source: Harvard Health Publishing

    2. Prayer or meditation

    I’m a believer, and pray often. But whether you believe in God, the universe, or just need a moment of silence — taking time to breathe, reflect, or pray is grounding.

    Mindfulness practices help reduce stress and increase emotional resilience.

    Source: Mayo Clinic

    3. Eat like you respect yourself

    Your brain needs fuel — and processed junk food makes it harder to cope. Research shows diets high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and omega-3s are linked to better mental health.

    Source: Mental Health Foundation UK

    4. Sleep like it matters

    Lack of sleep is directly linked to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Don’t just crash — rest with intention.

    Source: Sleep Foundation

    None of these things will “cure” your pain. But they give you the strength to keep going — until you’re ready to speak up. And when that time comes, I hope you know this:

    It’s not weak to open up. It’s brave.
    It’s not soft to care for yourself.
    It’s smart.You are not alone.

    One Step Is Enough

    You don’t have to fix your whole life today.

    But maybe you can take a walk. Say a prayer. Make a better meal.

    Maybe tonight, you sleep a little earlier — not because you’re giving up, but because you’re giving yourself a chance.

    And if you can talk to someone — a friend, a brother, a therapist — do it.

    But if you can’t yet… it’s okay! Just take this one little step.

    Keep Going, Bro.

    Written for Mental Health Week | For every man carrying something heavy in silence.

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